I deleted my last blog. Thinking about it, I was fooling around and trying to make everyone lighten up, forget the whole situation, and understand that I'm not upset anymore about what happened, but I believe that I went about it in the wrong way. I'm sorry if any of you have already read my previous, now deleted, post, I am sure it left you confused, hurt, or more upset. It was really, just a cheap jab at some humor, that doesn't seem so funny anymore.

Please, to everyone involved, accept my apologies for my crude humor and, at times, cruelty. I did not mean to hurt anyone with my words, especially in the previous post that began this mess.

For those who were involved directly, I accept your apologies. Lauren, I invite you to continue reading my blog, because I hope you will find that I am not the person you once thought I was.

To my friends, thank you for your kindness.

Let us all learn the lesson of forgiveness.

I'm having fun, how about you?

Guess what?! I'm the moron of the day. Go me. Do I get a prize?

"Lesson Learned: People should really learn to grow up and get over it. Moron of the Day: MaryBeth."


Just a little advice, take your own.

~~

On to other topics, Famous Amos is sending me free cookies. I believe just one package of free cookies, but that works.

~~

Actually, I'm a bit stuck on that other topic. Perhaps the one where I was called a bitch, or even a moron. Let me say though, I believe the bitch insult hurt my feelings a little bit more than the moron one. I'm actually glad to join Brian in the Moron Category. I wonder what the requirements are. I have a few nominees.

My sister should be blogging for me, since she took up so much shoutbox room, but I will have to agree with her and Denise. I like who I am. As Tom says, my negatives and my positives. The good and the bad qualities. Yeah, the negatives are quite apparent at times, whoohoo, I'm a bitch. And probably self-centered, and materialistic, and God knows what else. But actually, I'm coming to terms with that, and those negatives don't outweigh the positives. Yes, they may be more obvious, especially if you don't know me very well, or at all. But there is more to me than a few bad qualities. Tom, (he's so good at this,) said that there are thousands people worse than me. But I'm not the one to judge, and no one else should either. Honestly, I am really just guessing at what I said that was so cruel, and, if it is what I think it is, you should read my blog more often and realize that's just how I write. I don't mean to offend anyone so much as to be cold and heartless. So, don't judge me. Don't be mean to spite my "cruelty." Nothing is solved by being cruel back to me.

Oh, and Michael? You're right. We all need to grow up and move on. We all make mistakes. But, (third Tom quote of the day,) pointing fingers doesn't get anything solved. We can only point our fingers at ourselves, and change what we did wrong. We can not change others, and we can not blame others. We can only forgive them. And, until we forgive them, no one will be able to move on. Until we forgive them, no one is quite grown up either. So, for what it's worth, I forgive you.

To Whom It May Concern:

I distinctly remember in elementary school saying, "It takes one to know one."

Initially shocked at being called a cold-hearted bitch, that familiar elementary chant came to mind. While I feel that Lauren herself was quite cruel in her choice of words, I am profoundly saddened that a stranger, a friend, an enemy, another person, could find me so heartless.

From the bottom of my (cold) heart, I am sorry of the wrongdoing I committed. I now understand what it feels like when someone is cruel, and I do not wish that feeling upon anyone.

Sincerely,
Le Petit

"Lesson Learned: Brian is the wrongest wrong to ever wrong, and I and the rightest right to ever right!
Moron of the Day: Brian."

How's that for a witty comeback.

I learned some new information about the author of that lovely retort. Let's just say, if I didn't dislike him earlier, I do now.

~~

Anyway, on to more grown up topics, yesterday was a day for embarrassment. First, my math teacher proved to the whole class that I don't remember fourth grade fractions by calling on me to do the most complicated derivative of the lesson. Who would know that complicated calculus involves basic fractions? Who would know that I don't remember how to multiply, add, or subtract them?

Secondly, we had a juggler come to Bible School for Fat Tuesday. He preformed numerous tricks, that had all of my third graders, (plus numerous other pre-school through sixth graders,) laughing and ... hyper. Then, he asks for volunteers, chooses a few children, then says, "Now kids, raise your hand if you have an ADULT to volunteer!!" Well, guess who has the largest class? With eleven students, I win, and was volunteered. Yay. See the enthusiasm?? So here I am in front of the whole school, about as tall as the other kids up there with me, preforming tricks. (AKA: Make spinning plate on very thin pointy stick go under leg that is raised without spinning plate falling off.)

Thirdly, on my path to good grades, (I'm going to go to the library every day this week!) hunger became a fork in my road. So, my friends and I went downstairs to the vending machines (at the library.) I chose the Famous Amos cookie pack, and... got only two cookies. Out of EIGHT. The girl behind the "help" desk didn't know what to tell me when I complained, even though those people are supposed to know everything, so I saved the unopened bag and plan to send it back to Famous Amos demanding my eighty cents back. Perhaps I will get a year supply of free cookies for my future library excursions.

Lastly, it is sad when Sicilian Boy Wonder proclaims in surprise, as he finds you studying in the library, "What are you doing here?!" Do I really portray the stupid blonde who wants to go to grad school but doesn't ever want to see the inside of a library?

Don't answer that.

"I am standing at the door, knocking; if you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in to you and eat with you, and you with me" (Rev. 3:20).

It has been a year since my decision to transfer schools. A almost a year ago I was standing on this campus for the first time, experiencing a whole new kind of college life. A year ago today I was celebrating Fat Tuesday, with food, laughter, and friendship. What a difference a year makes.

A year ago I could hear the knock of the Lord, loud, clearly. I felt called to transfer, I knew it would be the right decision. I felt I had a purpose.

Have I found that purpose? Where am I a year later? How have I grown?

Why can I no longer hear the knocking at my heart's door?

"Jesus said to his apostles, 'Come by yourselves to an out-of-the-way place and rest a little'" (Mk 6:31).

"[Lent] is a realistic down-to-earth time. It's about ashes and the cross. It's about sin and sorrow. It's about life and death.... Our penitential practices may be hard at times, but they lift our inner spirit. We're made for more.... We're made for the unimaginable greatness of God."

Some excerpts from the "Little Black Book," a prayer guide for the Lenten season.

Do you read my blog and would like to be linked?? Send me a shout! (PLEASE!!)

I would like more than four links.

From Tuesday's USA Today, on the "controversial" movie, The Passion:

"... movie portrays the final twelve hours of Jesus' life in graphic detail, including the crucifixion and a beating that lasts 45 minutes. But many parents and church leaders plan to have kids as young as ten see the film... 'The violence is necessary to understand the sacrifice Jesus made,' says First Family pastor.... His Baptist Church has rented out a half-dozen theatres... for children eleven and older. He concedes they'll be shaken by the violence. 'I hope they're disturbed enough to make their peace with Jesus.'"

Disturbing children (and adults alike,) is just the way to make them "make their peace with Jesus." What happened to teaching people about the love Jesus had for us? Yes, the crucifixion is the ultimate sign of his love for us, but, being a third grade Bible School teacher myself, I highly doubt that children ten and older will understand this movie as a sign of Jesus' love and sacrifice. Third graders don't understand the concept of sin, the reason for the sacrifice. How could they then in turn understand the sacrifice? Third graders also, hopefully, have not committed grave sins, and with full knowledge, realized the wrongdoing and concequences of their sin, to be able to grasp the need for a Savior.

This movie is rated R for a reason. It is violent. No moral, or wisdom, behind the storyline is going to remove the effects of the violence, graphics, and brutality this movie will portray. Showing this movie will not allow children to "make their peace" with Jesus. Showing this movie could ruin whatever inner peace the child had.

~~~

It would need work (hours of work, my response that is,) but what that pastor said disturbed me. Next Wednesday possibly thousands of children could be going to see a very violent graphic movie. If it is for the reason stated above, it's absurd. If I had enough guts, and perhaps more knowledge on the effect of violence on children, I'd write to the paper. Then again, without any guts, I'll just blog about it and feel like I did my duty as a teacher to save my children.

Quote of the day:

If you spend your energy trying to convince people that you are perfect and never admit the imperfect aspects of your life, you eventually will find yourself surrounded by people who have also convinced themselves that everything in their world is just "perfect."

Today is going to be awesome. I can just feel it.

Go South Dakota!

Still having a shitty day. And, I should mention, that I did not have a very shitty weekend, that some parts were nice.

That's about all. I don't feel like talking to you, and you don't feel like listening.

What a shitty shitty evening.

To end a shitty shitty weekend.

~~

Delete.

Hate is a very strong word, and yes, I meant to use it.

I hate being the shit bucket.

For Christmas my parents ordered me a subscription to Marie Claire, but they had them sent to the house. I recieved my first package with a few magazines (Newsweek, Reader's Digest, and my MC,) yesterday. Procrastinating, I read the MC today, and towards the end, happened upon the last page of a "sex" article. Looking in the crease of the magazine, I noticed a very poor tear job. Yes, you are thinking correctly. Someone, (my mother?!?!) tore out the first two pages of the sex article. I mean honestly, if you want to shelter me, atleast make sure you tear out ALL of the pages. Laughing, I walked across the hall to show Heather... she's now wondering if my mom thinks I don't know what sex is. Hmm.

Quotables

From the Cincy Enquirer's article on the Columbus sniper:

"Lauren Scott, a trucker hauling exotic and specialty cars from Texas to Columbus, said, 'I asked my company whether I could get hazard pay for coming up here. They said, "No, just duck bullets."'"

Interesting. (That is a few to many "'".)

Chris called on his way to Alabam-ah (he is going to get "The Car,") to let me know that he is picking up his ex-girlfriend from the Dayton airport a few Thursday's from now, spending the evening with her, and she is staying at his apartment, because she has no where else to stay. He wonders why I have a problem with this. (Probably because I've pulled off similar stunts before???)

Blog Hopping

I went blog hopping, it's the new thing to do on a Monday afternoon when you are avoiding homework, and found out that I really haven't become "one of those." Here are some excerpts from another blog:

January 11, 2004
"I miss you John, sooo much. No matter how I am acting, I need you, I need you more than you know. Thank you for loving me even now. I love you."

November 17, 2003
"Love you John"

October 27, 2003
"Sweetest Day was amazing... John took me to dinner, and we got allll dressed up too! He even went shopping with me to pick out a dress....Thanks sooo much for being understanding and helping me sweetie! I love you John....I love you John."


Those were three sequential posts. Honestly, if you are going to never blog to begin with, and then decide to post, please save your "I love you's" for the bedroom. Honestly, not to be a coldhearted bitch, (oh, but wait, I am,) but when I go blog hopping, one "I love you" is more than enough. Also, if you are going to link a blog like this, stop and think.

Now there are other blogs I tend to avoid in fear of the suffocating "I love you's." Those blogs of the people you hated double dating with, because they were so glued to one another. Those people that when you were single, and they were dating, you wanted to have nothing to do with them because it was guaranteed they would make you feel shitty. So, I thought I would prove my point, how I haven't become "one of those" by venturing on to this woman's site. Surprisingly, only once in my casual reading did I find a boyfriend tribute: "I realize that there are two 'Heaven's on Earth'. 1. My loving boyfriend, 2. and being at the Spa."

Much more pleasant reading for those of us who fear the L-word. Besides, I would have to agree with her. A day at the Spa does sound like "Heaven on Earth."

(Is it just me, or do I become more anti-lovey dovey around the Big Day?? Sorry for all of you who have to put up with it.)

Baby Jesus

Baby Jesus is returning. I've been nauseous the past few mornings.

Also, visit Kelly's site: www.ventingone.blogspot.com

Also, Flogging Molly, good friends, and 90 cent Oprah books really make for a good evening.

~~

The Irish Pub on campus, (not to be confused with the Irish Pub off campus that employs my sorry ass,) changed their menu. Now they have a Veggie Panini, this awesome sandwich with Brie cheese, roasted red peppers, lettuce, tomato and pesto mayo. That's all that is supposed to come on the sandwich. Friday I ordered one and mine had, besides the normal ingredients, yellow banana peppers, olives, and mushrooms on it. Like some idiot expo decided that a "Veggie" sandwich would be good with any vegetables. Umm, wrong. So, being brave, (I would normally not complain,) I called up the Pub and yelled. Free food for me, next time I show up.

I find it out of the ordinary, my ability to stand up for myself and complain when necessary. This week that's all I've been doing. Take for example the shitty new rule that underclassmen can't live with upperclassmen in the campus apartments next semester. I called the Director of Res Life and left a pretty message on her answering machine. Then, another example, work last night, I got dicked over many a time because the stupid hosts can't rotate servers correctly. And the stupid servers steal other people's tables. So, I let my manager know that I'm pissed about it, and something better be changed. We have St. Patty's coming up and who wants to be dicked out of tables on that night?? Not a soul.

So talking about the Dubliner, I guess there is a rapist in the area. Newscrews have camped outside the pub this weekend, shooting film for the evening news. How scary. So now they insist on escorts, the staff can't leave the pub unless someone, usually dishman/drug dealer Daryl walks us out. I feel so much safer.

That's more blogging than necessary. More another week.

Hi-larious

The internet is trying to tell me something.

I rarely have time to blog myself, and reading blogs ... I read Kelly's and Brian's about every few days, and the others, when I'm bored. So, perhaps once a month I go down my list of blogs-to-amuse, read over Chan's, then perhaps Quinn's, and Rob's... and sometimes on the really boring days, get around to reading Michael's.

For the past few months, each and every time I've tried to read Michael's blog, my Internet Explorer has a problem and needs to close. Error! It tells me. I have yet to read his blog... since I decided that reading his blog was less a priority, and talking to him was farther down the list.

I find that funny. Perhaps you don't. Perhaps your Michael and are pissy, or perhaps you are one of my friends and want to know why I'm still attempting to read his blog. Let me tell you, now it has become a joke, let's go to Michael's blog to close down my Internet.

I am laughing, really.

Ha, ha, ha-ha-ha. HA.

It seems my sister has stolen all the deep and meaningful blog subjects. I should link to her, so when you come here looking for something to make the lightbulb light, you can go there instead.

This is my favorite quote thus far:

"I have come to a conclusion that my blog looks like a fucking Valentine. I hate Valentines Day."

I have something deep and meaningful stuck in my head, but the words aren't coming out right.

The other night, out with Chris, and we were talking about past relationships. He's heard my line of men, including the stories that one would never tell their best friend or mother because then the angel wings would be non-existent... and so this time we talked about the women he's dated. I had a slight recollection of a girl who went to OSU, he's mentioned her before and I knew that they dated for four years and were serious. What I didn't remember, but found out, was that he not only bought the engagement ring, but also prepared his proposal.

So it makes me think. Is it possible to love someone so much, have them be "The One" for you, and then mess it all up? What would happen if someone in the relationship made a huge mistake, had a fling, cheated, was unsure about their feelings, and ruined everything? Are they no longer "The One?" Does someone else come along and take their place? Were they never that special person to begin with?

It becomes to much to think about. Rather, do men return the rings? Keep them for the next someone special? Hmm.

So, I must admit, I hate Valentine's as much as my sister and her very pink blog do. Valentine's makes you start thinking about these crazy things you would have left alone had it not been the month for lovers. Valentine's makes you dread recieving a cutesy stuffed animal, or not-at-all-creative red roses. Valentine's makes you count the number of days you've known him and ask yourself questions like, what the fuck do I get him? Do I take off work? Do I forbid him to buy me anything?

Love is crazy.


Did I ever tell you how much I hate that word?

Mom told me the other night that I should wait until I'm sixty before I commit to anyone. I'm beginning to think seventy-five is a safer age. When did I grow up? All of a sudden I feel so old, making big decisions about my life. I'd like to go back to choosing which book to read during my free afternoons.

So I'm looking at my previous posts... all I see is "Chris, Chris, Chris Chris Chris...." Gag. I've become one of those.

I bought a "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" day-by-day calendar and I'm hating it. I'd like a quote calendar, with the rip of pages, so I can collect quotes, not stupid sayings about stress. Anyone?

So, I have homework to be getting to. I'm not liking this blogging stuff anyway. What happened to all of the deep posts I used to have? This blog sucks.

ARG.