Musings and Silk Stockings

At some point, you start to wonder why you take off the Victoria's Secret red silk robe and replace it with an old Life Teen t-shirt and rubber duck sweats. Or why you pick up the old tattered Nancy Drew instead of last month's Cosmo when you have nothing else to read. Or, why you still close your eyes during the sex scenes in the racy foreign film your Spanish teacher is calling a cultural project, and later stay up until two in the morning watching Uptown Girls and Cheaper by the Dozen.

Then your stomach turns as you think that possibly, that guy you've always crushed on does like you as he says, and he's got more morals than you do, and that is why he doesn't jump making out in dark corners. When he says one he really does mean one, and you should be ashamed when you admit to three. Especially since you don't remember that it was only two.

Oh, and then, you're kissing the toilet seat your sisters never clean by the time your mind turns to who you've emulated the past year. When you were still in ankle length skirts and crucifix jewelry and had the confidence he liked you for you, she was the one trying to win him over with her tales of three or four or five... and you were disgusted at her promiscuity... now you are disgusted at yours, and saddened that you are now her. You have lost the innocence it takes to wear the ankle length skirt.

Now you're curled on the dirty bathroom floor where you belong, (you know your sisters never cleaned it to teach you a lesson,) wondering how you could possibly fix the mess you've created. How you can repair the friendships you're destroying.

So you create a list. Lists keep you occupied during your 8:30 lectures, lists keep you organized when life is at its worst.

1. Come directly home after work.
2. Only accept formal first date invitations. Do not go anywhere with a man while intoxicated.
3. Try not to become intoxicated. Set a limit.
4. Leave TH alone. Stop stalking.
5. Shut-up and listen. Become a better friend.

What happens when you realize you spent the last year throwing your mother's china across the dining room? (As analogies go, of course.) I'm not so sure. I plan on buying the best damn broom I can find - for starters.