Circle

I think I've come full circle.

Now, I could be imagining that. Especially since I'm sitting alone in my room on a Friday night (with no plans) eating chocolate. Sure does sound familiar, but in a non-circle-ish way. There is also no implication that this is the end ... I'm sure I will begin another circle just as I finish this one off.

Ok. I should warn you. I'm on cold medicine. And I had a glass of wine. (Fair warning, now read on.)

Here are some of the reasons I feel like a part of my life has completed.

First, I was very happy in high school with who I was. I think in high school you get a false sense of self... you have passed through the insecure puberty years, most likely you are dating someone or "going steady," and you are part of a tight group of friends. Now we all are aware that once you leave the bubble of high school your self-confidence disappears when you become a freshman again in an unfamiliar place. For me, I left the bubble of high school and went into the bubble of FUS... but I suppose that doesn't matter much. But I think it's in college that the false sense of self develops to it's full potential and you begin to discover who you really are. Sometimes it is just an older, more mature high school version. I think that's my case. Even though, I did visit the extremes...

We all know, (and I dare not retell,) my experiences freshman year at FUS and then the polar opposite experiences sophmore year here at XU. And now, my third year into this mess, I think I finally have a sense of who I am and what I'm about. Somehow, ironically, it mirrors my high school days, especially my junior year in high school.

First, I must say that I still get the good grades. Even though my father insists on telling me every phone conversation to study hard, I have been, and it shows. I'm also more involved like I was in high school and missed out on my sophmore year here. I'm volunteering at a pro-life clinic and through them starting a program on campus to support college women. I am part of a research group, doing research work. (For those damn applications to grad school.) I'm a nanny and I love my job. I think most importantly though is that this year I'm very involved with the college youth group at church. I hang out with them every Thursday night and on the weekends, I have an amazing friend group there... supportive faith filled people. I also led a retreat back in January... something I miss doing. (And yes, there is, or was, a retreat boy. I did say FULL circle now didn't I?) I'm really happy again, like I was back in high school. I feel like I found myself again... it's a wonderful feeling. So it does seem that I've completed a circle of my life. I go to grad school in a year, and no doubt will begin another... but after seeing this one complete I'm not so worried anymore about the unexpected. It will all work out somehow.

... so, here I sit, single, alone, eating chocolate... life is good.

Really. No joke.