Television

The only cable jack in my apartment is in what I've converted into my bedroom. Occupants previously used the room as the living space, but with my phobias of being too close to the terrifying heater and un-curtained kitchen windows, I've squeezed my bed and most of my furniture in the front room. Which means my little tiny TV sits on top of my dresser and is in perfect view from my daily perch on my bed.

After years of dorm rooms and sharing space with way to many females (not to mention the 18 odd years of spending most of the time I lived in my parent's house in my room,) I've grown accustomed to operating out of my bedroom. I've lived in this apartment for almost four months and sitting on my couch (which only is useful during piano recitals, since it is the only seating available in the living room, so therefore, a useless piece of furniture to date,) only brings on feelings of nakedness and furtive glances towards my unoccupied bed. I won't even begin on the kitchen table, which functions as additional counter space and rarely is used for the original purpose. (Besides, it's too close to the un-curtained kitchen windows.)

All of this has led to my trend to migrate towards my half-made bed and TV tray that occupies the bed with me. (Note: There is other seating in my room. I do have a beautiful rocking chair, but it tends to hold a pile of clothes. I'm also afraid of falling. Ergo - rocking chairs scare me.) Therefore, since I'm already sitting on the bed with whatever I've thrown together for dinner before me, and with a television in plain sight, I have begun the habit of turning it on. Dreadful! All of a sudden I'm convinced it is much too difficult to balance a book while eating perched precariously on my bed (What happened to the days where I was able to vacuum in straight lines while finishing the last chapter of Nancy Drew?), so I must turn on the TV instead to occupy my time. Which, of course, since I'm illegally stealing cable from Time-Warner (not my fault, they forgot to turn it off,) the TV stays on until something else happens.

What else is going to happen when you live alone and never leave your bedroom? Not much.

It ends up most of the time I don't even watch anything worth watching. (I won't go into enjoying watching The Girls Next Door....) I also hate commercials, so I usually don't watch one show in it's entirety, because I flip and find something else to watch until a commercial comes on.

So far I've only been mildly irritated with my intellectual decline and membership into U.S. (American) society. Last night I realized something though. It was late, I was tired, but I couldn't turn it off. Not because I enjoyed Will and Grace (I do enjoy it, just not that much,) but for another reason. When I finally did succumb to exhaustion and click the "power" button, it became evident. Once you turn off the TV it becomes quiet. Dark. You're left to hearing the rumble of the terrifying heater and the slight rustle as you toss and turn. If you're lucky you've watched just enough TV to fall asleep almost immediately after you turn it off. If not, the darkness and quiet will slowly creep closer and become a suffocating feeling of loneliness.

I'd prefer to escape into the gay world of Will and Grace or the ... surreal ... world of the Playboy bunnies rather than face reality any evening.