Delete.

I thought I knew what I wanted, and received what I asked for... now I think I didn't know what I wanted at all and should have kept my mouth shut.

~~

My room is decorated with pastel squares. I have a sticky note obsession... and there are a few above my computer that I've written sayings on that I would like to blog about ... at the time I wrote them I composed beautiful blogs about their meanings... now they're just going to look funny quoted at random. Oh well.

"Friends are people that walk with you into the future, not drag you into the past." This quote was from a conversation with Lindsay about a month ago. We were discussing the value of friendship. I was in one of my moods (as Brian so fondly calls them,) and was questioning so many different things. This revelation of mine about friends, and friendship, helped me to make some difficult but necessary choices. (I sound like I'm writing an autobiography because of my lack of talent at beating around the bush and defiant refusal to confront the bush.) To face the bush, people were pissing me off because they continued to live in the past. I was losing friends who were moving on, and had to make my choice. Why live in the past? I'm plagued with memories continually, I don't want to choose to live with them, I have enough of them already.

Perhaps when I am a doctor I can figure out the psychology behind memories. I detest them. The people you forget, the nights you've erased... all seem to come back at the most unpleasant times.

Another square sticky holds the quote, (from Lindsay,) "and 'sometimes' that's really just not enough." It was from the same conversation on friends. There seem to be many things in my life that go off of the sometimes rule. Sometimes we're friends. Sometimes we enjoy each other. Sometimes we hang out. "Sometimes" isn't really enough. Except when I sometimes hate people. That's a privilege everyone is allowed.

I have no idea where this came from, but everyone's heard it before: "Life is not a success only journey." I was thinking of a way to bring up today's gospel and here is the perfect opportunity. From the tenth chapter of Mark, Jesus is telling the disciples that they need to be able to drink from his cup and be baptized as He was. He fore-shadows His death by saying He is here to be a "ransom" for many. The priest was talking in his homily about how life is about suffering as Jesus did, and serving as He did. We are not here to be served, but to serve. I think the gospel and this quote go together quite nicely.

That's all for my squares of fun. I don't sound like myself tonight, not my typical writing. I'm beating around a bush that is too large to avoid. So I just won't speak of anything in particular.

Here's to speaking about nothing in particular.

Edit: I came back to spell check this... why doesn't blogger have 'blog' in it's dictionary? How peculiar.